It was the day of the barbecue. Ari drove her Volvo to Theo’s house, packed with her friends and the banker Dave’s pal Rob, who had been briefed on the cabin they were about to visit. After calling shotgun, Rob was squeezed between the girls in the middle seat, trying hard not to appear mortified.
“So this guy bought a cabin for real?”
“It’s more of a ranch,” Ari said.
“No offense, but I don’t see you with a guy who lives in a ranch,” Rob said amiably.
“Do you own a home, Rob?”
“No, that’s more for when you’re ready for a family. It’s nice out here, though.”
“Yeah,” Anna said sardonically. “Ari’s from a town near here.”
“Oh so you’re from the burbs too?”
“Theo’s actually from Vermont.” Ari’s passengers sat trying to process this; was Vermont even a place people came from?
Rob was getting the sense that Theo was beyond reproach. He was intrigued by Ari’s rejection of Dave and told her so. It was not really rejection, she said, just choosing the better option for her. Dave had just made VP and he could pick and choose his women. Except, apparently, Ari.
“That’s his problem,” Sarah said as they drew up to the perfectly-kept drive. “When he meets an independent woman he’s incapable of changing his game.” That wasn’t quite true—barring Sarah’s intervention the result could well have been different. The house sat low before them with its clean white walls and red-tiled roof, that made it look more like a hacienda. There were trellises on the walls with roses and other climbing plants. The lawn was mown and edged and the place smelled faintly of cut grass and the occasional drifting perfume of flowers.
“Ok so this isn’t a cabin,” Rob said. There were rowdy sounds coming from the back yard.
“I’m disappointed,” Anna said, “I wanted a cabin in the woods with an axe out front.”
“The axe is out back,” Ari laughed. “Go see the wood pile.”
They walked around the back, following the barbecue smells as the early summer air cooled in the shade of the house.
Three men were throwing a ball hard at each other while Theo was standing at the grill. A couple, ten years older than him, were chatting amiably to a young woman as their host flipped burgers. He turned and beamed as Ari and her crew saundered in. He put his things down and kissed his girlfriend deeply as they came over.
“Are we going to see you guys tonight,” Anna asked, clutching Rob’s hand. Over on the grass the guys looked over and wound their game down.
“There’s a chance it’s gonna be self-service,” Theo smiled and hugged the girls, before turning to Rob and shaking his hand somewhat awkwardly. He introduced his neighbors, a hale-looking couple called Vince and Deborah, and Brett’s wife, Karen. Vince had a beard that went down to his chest and gave Rob a quizzical look. The girls were all wearing their best casual, except for Ari, who had on a summer dress. The boys stopped playing and checked the women out. Brett’s wife Karen caught his gaze and he immediately went over to introduce himself. Pete, shirtless and out of breath bounded past the big man and shook Sarah’s hand first. She pulled a face at the sweat dripping down to his soft abs and shook hands with the other guys. Theo’s three friends gave Rob a once-over and introduced themselves half-heartedly to this guy in loafers with no socks and a shirt open a couple of buttons on his tennis-player’s frame. Sarah, in turn, gave Theo a longing look that caused Pete to clench his jaw.
“Drinks.” Ari declared, as the guests remembered to hand over the liquor they had brought. Theo took orders and Vince appointed himself grill master. A medium-sized dog appeared from the side of the house sniffing around the barbecue.
“Did he crap on my lawn again, Vince?” Theo chastised.
“I’ll go check, Deborah said,” Ari made a beeline for her and began to do her neighbor duties. She gave Theo a sardonic twitch of her head as she fell into her role. The rest formed an awkward social circle and began with the house.
“So Theo, when did you buy this place?” Rob asked. The other guys looked at him, ready to take affront.
“Five years ago. Pete here started investing in properties and got me on the ladder.”
“How many properties, Pete,” Rob continued.
“Right now three: two multi-families and a single. I rent the apartment I live in by the way,” he said flatly.
“So you’re a slum-lord,” Anna said.
“Not far off,” Brett laughed and Anna caught his eye. He was good looking and muscular, broader than the other guys.
“Brett, did you wrestle in high school,” Anna asked with a sultry look.
“Me and Theo, yeah,” said Brett.
“Theo looks more like an outdoorsman.”
“Well there’s three body types right? The skinny guys who can throw above their weight but still you’d never guess. There’s my type—”
“WWE,” Theo interjected.
“With the right supplies, yeah. And there’s the Theos.”
“So Theo’s a type?”
“No, not really, but he beat me six times out of ten.” He didn’t seem bothered by this fact.
“That’s three out of five,” Pete said, looking at Brett with a rueful look. Our idiot.
“Did you wrestle,” Jacob?
Jacob shook his head. “Mostly track.”
“So no football players at all?”
“Theo. Weren’t you a receiver for a while?”
“Yeah until I got two concussions. Plus moving here meant I didn’t have the history with the other guys.”
“Say Rob,” Brett said slyly, careful to bring his wife closer to him; her eyes were on him. “What did you do?”
“Tennis and soccer,” said Rob.
“Soccer, eh?”
“Soccer.”
“Soccer’s getting big.”
“Sure,” Rob said, looking out towards the wood. “Where does that lead?”
“Oh it’s beautiful,” Ari said, returning with Deborah after their hunt for the dog’s crimes. They seem to have made fast friends. Theo shook his head admiringly; it had taken him five encounters and a chance encroachment of the dog to for even an awkward conversation with Vince. “There’s a path that goes right beside the river.”
“I see the woodpile there,” Rob said slyly.
“Therapy,” Theo said. Sarah looked hard at Ari with a knowing smile.
“You should see him split one of those big logs,” Pete said. “He can do it in one blow.” The men were beginning to circle Rob, who realized he was outnumbered. He’d expected nerds and was faced with these active looking guys who didn’t seem to care about bankers or waiters jumping to attention at their signal.
“So how are you two doing,” Theo asked Anna and Rob together. Rob squirmed a little in her hand.
“We’re seeing.” She said with a blank look.
“Got it.”
“Food’s up,” Vince of the long beard exclaimed, happy to be functional amid the awkwardness.
Rob looked around at the property with its black wire fence and little gate out to the woods.
“I’m not good with the markets” Theo said, “But this place is the best investment advice Pete could have given me.” Rob nodded at the clear logic and made a beeline for Pete as they got their food. People were talking. Rob was unscathed and Sarah unmolested; forty-five minutes in and they were tracking well.
After dinner, Theo excused himself and went to his office; he checked progress and caught Rob emerging from the bathroom looking in his direction.
“You’re a hacker, right?” Theo gave his work a final once over and moved towards the door protectively.
“Mmm, cyber security.” He shut the door behind him and locked it.
“That’s some due diligence,” Rob said.
“You can never be too careful.”
“Worried someone might see what you’re up to?”
“More concerned about these two scenarios,” Theo said, using his size to guide the slim Rob back to the kitchen; it was unsettling to a man raised on social and corporate hierarchy. “People get it on and sit on my keyboard. I’m running some scans right now so that would be a whole level of stupid. Two: my friends get drunk and decide to do their own due diligence.”
“So nothing about strangers in your house.”
“That’s a minor concern, and I have cameras,” Theo smiled. “But you can never be too careful.” Rob began to probe him about cyber security with the expertise of a man who knew what questions to ask before he made a trade, and Theo reeled off a series of events and facts with the easy tone of an expert.
“I think we’re pretty secure,” Rob said.
“Where do you work?” Theo asked. Rob told him the name of the bank.
“You or a subsidiary have been breached over three times in the last few years,” Theo said flatly.
“Socials, personal information…”
“Gold dust. Identity theft only seems harmless because it happens so much. Where there’s an identity hack you can bet there’s something else.”
“Like money?”
“No, that’s usually traceable. It goes deeper – information. You all manage money, but it’s the way you manage it, it’s the profit and loss. Stealing money gets the Feds involved and they can be relentless. Of course, you’re insured. But the information theft seems like a nuisance, like we’re conditioned to see a new breach letter arrive once in a blue moon. It’s like a ten-dollar dark web monitoring subscription will resolve your entire financial life and social being exposed.”
“I get it.”
“So you don’t take it overly seriously unless someone shuts you down.”
“So it’s not just the cost of doing business.”
“Right, Rob. Whoever hacked you just built a series of profiles, and scraped enough information to make you vulnerable on a corporate level.”
“Funny, I just see you guys as the dudes who fix my machine.”
“Whole different group.”
“Yeah. You know my buddy can’t believe she went for you.”
“Her friends seem cool with it.”
“I can see that. We should talk. Here, give me your number. We’ve been talking security at work. Maybe you can meet with a couple of people.”
“Sure,” Theo said with a shrug and showed Rob how to digitally share contact cards. He poured Rob another drink and went over with him to the girls. Rob flashed him a few appreciative looks before Pete emerged from the garage with a soccer ball he was gamely inflating.
“Ok soccer boy, let’s see what you got.”
Two hours in and the group were getting drunk. Rob had turned out to be skillful enough to run rings around the other men, until Brett brought him down with such force they had to break the game up. Ari had forgotten they would need to get everyone home. Pete had finally gotten into a rhythm of conversation with Sarah. She gamely humored him as he described his goals and life path, as if to convince her of his marriageability. Another pair of neighbors passing by had been invited in by Ari, who was working wonders stitching the group together. With alcohol, more of the men began to divert their gaze from towards her rather than Sarah, whose magazine body lacked the sensual grace of Ari’s movements.
“That’s a fine woman you have there, Theo,” Vince said with Deborah’s effusive agreement.
“She is so beautiful, Theo,” Deborah said.
“You seem to be getting along,” Theo responded, as if her beauty was a given,
“I know, she’s obviously a rich girl right?”
“Yeah but it’s not who she is.”
“Are you going to rescue her friend from Pete?” Deborah nodded over to Sarah.
“No, he seems happy talking to her.”
“How is she single?”
“No idea,” Theo mused, barely noticing her lovely form and soft gazes in his direction.
Ari came over and sat on his lap.
“Well love, I was wrong.”
“It turned out alright.”
Then Pete made his move.
Sarah turned her head in horror as Pete grasped her shoulder and moved in for a kiss. There was an awkward silence as she tried to get up, Pete’s hand still on her shoulder. Theo shot up with Ari on his lap and deposited her as carefully as he could. The others were talking in natural groups, Anna and Rob furtively moving into the house. Theo had locked his bedroom, so that left them the couch or one of two bathrooms. Sarah tried to move out of Pete’s reach.
“Pete buddy,” Theo said gently. But Pete was in his cups and Sarah was pulling his arm away.
Ari looked at Theo as noises came out from the cracked window of the bathroom. Jacob flushed darkly as Anna could be heard grunting as Dave pumped her. Theo looked at Jacob and nodded over to Pete. Jacob shrugged and went back to playing with the dog. Ari nodded over to Sarah again, so Theo took the only action he felt appropriate. He strode over to his friend and hauled him up under the armpits before throwing himself on top of Pete. Down they went onto the grass in a heap.
“Ah shit,” Pete exclaimed and tried to heave Theo off him. Brett let out a yell and hurried over to bear-hug Theo off their friend. Theo responded by twisting his body enough to get his hand under Brett’s chin.
To the low sound of Anna’s sex noises as she and Rob continued in the bathroom, Theo and Brett struggled on the floor. Pete jumped on Theo’s back and the three men devolved into a mass of twisting bodies. Pete was a good twenty pounds lighter than Theo, who managed to get up on one knee and throw his friend down on top of Brett’s head.
“Brett!” Brett’s wife exclaimed. Theo rolled the stricken Pete off Brett and checked for life. He backed off a pace.
Brett got up into a half sitting position and glowered at Theo.
“What the fuck was that, Theo?”
“Seven out of eleven.” Theo said and offered his hand.
Theo looked around at the confused looks of the party guests. Anna’s moans had stopped short of climax and Vince began to laugh.
“Jesus guys. Theo—maybe you should soundproof that bathroom.”
Anna emerged with a disappointed look on her face; Rob came behind sheepishly.
“Did you hear?” She asked.
Ari made a face.
“That doesn’t look good for you, Rob,” Anna noted without the faintest hint of embarrassment. Rob took a breath and went for a drink, remembering to zip his fly. “What happened out here?”
Jacob had brightened at Rob’s diminution and looked Anna in the eye. “Battle,” he said amiably.
“Yeah,” Brett’s wife said rolling her eyes. “This always happens.”
“Brett tried to put his fingers in Theo’s ass last time,” Pete said, sobering up and looking at Theo gratefully. Sarah was sitting with her mouth slightly open.
“I did not, Pete, that’s a move.”
“That’s an exploratory move for sure, Brett.”
“I literally just saved your ass there Pete.”
“No Brett, you did not.” Pete said, brushing the grass off his body. “Theo, do you have to mulch?”
“It keeps it fresh, Pete. I have to agree with Pete there, Brett, plus you just took me from behind. It’s a pattern of concerning behavior.”
“I kind of get it,” Ari said, looking at Theo with a mix of maternal concern and disappointment. Sarah walked over and linked her arm into Theo’s. She kissed his cheek before turning to Anna.
“Is it safe in there, Anna?” Sarah asked and escorted Anna back into the house to inspect the bathroom.
“You know, Rob, there is another bathroom in the basement,” Theo said gently as he placed his hand on Rob’s shoulder; Rob flinched.
“I could have sworn you and Ari would be the ones doing that,” Jacob said, shaking his curls a little and plotting out his next meeting with Anna.
“Oh he’ll get his turn,” Ari flashed her eyes at Jacob who shook his head at his friend’s ascendance from broken matchstick man to this beauty.
“I hope you spoil her tonight, Theo,” Deborah said.
“She’s been amazing. I was pretty sure this would be a disaster.”
“This is what you call a success?” Vince was gleeful and had been giving Deborah come hither looks. There is nothing like another man’s failure to achieve to stoke the embers. Pete was up and happily putting together another plate of food the resourceful Vince had cooked up.
“Did you have a good time Vince?” Pete asked.
“Me? Yeah! Did you buddy?”
“One hundred percent,” Pete said.
“Anyone want to go on a walk?” Theo asked.
Sarah walked arm in arm with Ari as Vince and Deborah said their goodbyes. Theo and Jacob walked along behind, chatting about Jacob’s new job, and Theo’s gig working with Ari. Anna and Rob stayed behind with Brett, whose wife was talking in a low, reprimanding voice about his wandering eyes.
“It’s beautiful here, Theo,” Sarah said as they walked beneath the canopy with its straggling light.
As they said their goodbyes, Rob insisted again on connecting with Theo in the near future, and after cleaning up, the party left in cars and cabs, as Ari and Theo waved them off, arms around each other.
* * *
‘Slow Food’ is an extract from AJ Carrow’s unpublished novel, Complicity
